Do I Look Like A Damsel In Distress?

[Solemn Creed]

Sol searched his memory banks and remembered what she had been saying.

[glow=red,2,300]"Indeed, most people do expect too much. I for dont. I take what i can get where i can get it. Alot of others do too i guess."[/glow]

Another lightning bolt flashed outside swiftly followed by thunder. Sol loved that sound. Lightning was so raw, such pure energy. It was power. Fire and lightning were so similar yet different.

Sol looked at Chaos. He had seen fire in her and that was partially what had made him want to save her from her fate. Fire attracts people and things. Fire brings life and that attacts the living. When the fire goes out it gets cold and life leaves.

Sol looked at Chaos [glow=red,2,300]"You speak as if from experience."[/glow] He commented.

"Everyone has in my opinion. Some just experience it more than others. A boy get a C on a test and his mother expects better. He gets a B on the next test, but his mother expects an A. Simple. For me, nothing I do is ever right. Chaos sighed deeply before continuing.

"My 'clan' I guess you could call them is very old-fashioned. Perfect angels, unbend-able rules, no exceptions. Even falling is old-fashioned. I mean, how many fallen angels do you know or have heard of that actually go through a wing-stripping ceremony? There's not many. And me being born was bad enough. But now, I make mistakes, in their eyes I can't do anything right. Like right now, if one of the archangels wanted to, they could have me stripped of my wings just for associating with you. I'm surprised I haven't been already. If i hadn't had already made so many wrong decisions I probably would never have spoken to you." Chaos said and it was the truth.

If she hadn't already made horrid decisions she would be too terrified out what would happen to her to talk to Sol. However, most of her deeds have not been justifiably punished. She had gotten off easy. She still couldn't figure out why. She served no use to them/ At least she didn't think she did.

[Solemn Creed]

Sol tilted his head at her curious words. He hadnt heard of an angel's wings being clipped in over a century. Even demons considered the practice barbaric and one of the most humiliating things you could do to fellow demon. In Sol's time among his fellow demons he had only seen three who were torn from their wings and only for some of the most heinous crimes.

One demon, his name had been wiped from the records of Sol's clan, challenged their top warrior who was essentially the equivelent of their ruler. He was just some upstart young ram who thought he had the horns to take on the red who had held the position for the last few centuries. He was quickly beaten to a pulp and then, in front of everyone, his wings were torn off, he was castrated, and his horns were removed, the stumps cauterised. His name was stricken from the memory of all minds and records and he was expelled, bloody and broken, from the island adrift on a small raft.

It hadnt been that he had issued the challenge, but that he had done so disrespectfully. Everyone knew that at some point a ram must make his try for dominance but he must do so respectfully. He must issue the challenge in public and have already proven himself in some way.

This young ram had not proven himself in any way. His horns were newly grown and he was barely into his third decade. Disrespect was not taken lightly by Sol's people.

Sol stiffened slightly at her remark. [glow=red,2,300]"You would never have spoken to me? Am I ill company for one such as yourself? Not worthy?"[/glow] He asked her. He couldnt help but be offended slightly.

Chaos quickly turned over onto her side at Sol's words- so quickly her hair actually made a sort of half-circle with her; it settled a bit over her face. She pushed her hair back. Her face was one of shock.

"Ill company? Not worthy? Sol, I've told you things no other soul has ever known before. No one. I don't show my weaknesses to others and I certainly don't whine to people who I don't care about. And on another note, I don't put myself above a lot of people. In fact, I feel very inferior to most. Sol, I'm proud to call you my friend, don't ever doubt that." She wanted to make sure everything was clear before she explained why she had said what she had.

"However, you have to understand. You have to look from the prejudices of my people. To them being friends with a demon is equivalent to selling them out and jumping off the ban-wagon. It's seen as disgrace. So if I hadn't already done so many un-angelic like things in my short time, I would be terrified to be seen with you. In my clan, associating with demons is punishable by death. I'm actually surprised I'm nineteen. In my history, being friends with you is nothing. So I don't want you to feel inferior or even think that I dislike you. I really respect you, I do. I was just trying to prove the standards my clan puts themselves at. What they considered good enough for them. Nothing is good enough for them."

Chaos didn't know why she was acting so desperate. She just wanted to get through his head that she wasn't afraid to be seen with him. She was actually pitying her clan. None of them knew anyone as honest as Sol. None of them had a sworn protector. None of them was deeply and truly content with their life at this moment. She felt sorry for them. They were missing out on so many opportunities, on so many friends. There was truly some amazing people in the world and they would never be able to see that because of their 'standards'.

[Solemn Creed]

Sol looked over at the fire place. His pride had been hurt just a little when she had spoken a few minutes ago but it had healed when she had explained what she had meant. Sol hadnt gotten angry when he had misunderstood her words, he had been hurt.

Funny Sol could only think usually when he felt insulted he got angry. He did not feel hurt nor did he get sad. Sol did not like the feeling. Anger he knew how to deal with, happiness he knew how to acheive, but sadness and all those other things he knew nothing about.

One of the first things the voices did when they took up residence within his head was they drove out such pesky emotions. The voices had been Sol's emotions. They told him what to feel and stopped him from actually feeling much.

[glow=red,2,300]"So what sort of things have you? These bad things you say your people dissapprove of so much?"[/glow]

Chaos scrunched her face up for a moment before relaxing them. Talking about tings she had done, well some were unpleasant and others were kind of funny. However, all got her punished which was never good. It pushed her closer and closer to falling.

"Well, when I was 12 I managed to become a class A thief for 6 months before the archangels got on me about it. When I was 15 I accidentally may have broken the Statue of Liberty's arm off. That whole 'terrorist' thing was a hoax. It was pretty funny, but the archangels actually discussed just tossing me. And when I was 16 I managed to drive a car off the golden gate bridge. Those are some simple things I've done. Honestly not bad, but in the eyes of my clan it was unfathomable for an angel to do any of them. I've been a major disgrace ever since I was young." Chaos paused and gave Sol a look. Ever since I was a child. She gave him another look. "Ever since I was like 8!"


((OOC: Sorry its short))

[Solemn Creed]

Sol shrugged. He didnt hear murder in there anywhere. He was curious as to whether or not she had taken a life of her own free will outside of self defence. She had coused some mischeif but had she ever done anything truly bad.

[glow=red,2,300]"All of that sounds quite micheivous but have you ever done anything truly bad? Have you ever killed someone? Could you give me a better understanding of your people's customs, i am not sure i know them fully"[/glow]

Sol asked these questions not expecting them to be answered but he could live with that. He was just curious. He knew a few things about this angel, Chaos, but when he truly thought about it he knew very little about her.

At the mention of killing someone, Chaos froze. Her eyes widened and she felt fear and regret run through her entire body. That face; it haunted her, everyday. She shook her head as if trying to rid herself of the memories. She grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled. Her teeth gritted. Tears burned the back of her eyes and she buried her face in the pillow below her.

In everyone's mind she was an angel, not perfect, but in angel nonetheless. In her own eyes, she was a monster. She was a traitor, a coward, she was naive. She was truly sickening. She moved her face slightly out of the pillow so she could breath and peek at Sol from between the strands of her hair. He should know. She should tell him. She wanted to tell him. The fact that she felt ready to tell him was terrifying. However, he should know.

"I-I've never taken a being's life. Ever. However, I was responsible for someone's d-death. I-I took away someone's will; I took away someone's state of being. I took away someone's sanity." Chaos's voice was quiet, almost unheard. "He was a very close friend of mine. He-he.....he was the nicest person I have ever met. G-Giovanni was." His name. It was so hard to say. She felt her throat close up. She paused. She wasn't sure she could tell the story. She wanted to. She needed to. She had never told anyone before.

"Ever since-ever since he died, I have been truly disgusted with myself. To be honest Sol, I hate myself. I can't stand to be here. I have noting to live for anymore. However, G-Giovanni asked me t-to stay, and I-I promised.

That day was absolutely horrible. She couldn't believe what had went down. She couldn't believe what she had done. The real blood, was on her hands. Not theirs.

[Solemn Creed]

When Sol asked her if she had killed someone before he noticed an instant reaction. Her posture became more rigid and for a few moments she ceased all movement. He noted a widening of the eyes and look that seemed to be seeing something other than what she was looking at. Then she began tugging her hair, teeth grinding, and her eyes began to water as if she wished to cry but she could not.

When Chaos buried her face in her pillow Sol lifted one hand as if to comfort her but he quickly grabbed it and pulled it back with his other hand once he realized what he had been about to do.

To Sol, Chaos' reaction seemed guilty and it bothered him slightly. Killing wasnt that bad, in self defence or in some similar way one could easily forget and deem it as justified. The question in Sol's mind was no longer had she killed, but was now who she had killed. Who had she killed that had her feeling so guilty about the act? he wondered.

If someone was responsible for anothers death even though they didnt take their life with their own two hands, it was just another kind of killing, another kind of murder. But Sol, seeing her current emotional state, did not believe it would be particularly wise or polite to his new friend to point that out, so he didnt.

[glow=red,2,300]"Dont hate yourself. Im sure that you did not mean to do what you did. You cannot despair about this forever. You must let it go."[/glow]

As soon as Sol told Chaos needn't feel guilty she flew off the handle. She flew up and glared. "How can you say that?! It's not my fault?! Let it go?! It's not my fault?! I knew what I was doing! I was coherent every step of the way! So don't tell me that it wasn't my fault! I-!" She stopped covering her mouth and tears spilled over. She wiped them away with one hand. She gave Sol an apologetic look. "I- Forgive me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap, I know you don't understand what happened. It's just they told me it wasn't my fault. They told me it needed to be done, but it's a lie. It was my fault and it was unnecessary."

Chaos rubbed a tired hand over her face and her face looked as if she had aged ten years in two minutes. She layed back down. It was a story that needed to be told, that she didn't want to tell. However, she would rather Sol hear from the right person, the person who knew what happened, then someone else. He needed to fully understand why she was so bent on tormenting herself. She could understand that as a demon killing isn't a big deal. She respected that. It was who he was is. However, the was a difference between killing someone and killing a friend. Sol, she knew, would never kill someone he cared about. She couldn't say she hadn't and that angered her.

"Well, let's with a question a little earlier. You asked me if I had a specialty, a gift. I responded by telling you I had a curse. That 'gift' its....my gift is hysteria." Chaos paused hating the taste of the word on her tongue. "Now as you probably are well aware of, hysteria is not an angelic gift. Angel's aren't supposed to have it and few ever do. It's not a healing power. I should have been, by clan laws, stripped of my wings as soon as it was recognized. However, they came to an agreement that it would only be used in self-defense or for the good of the clan." Chaos paused wondering how he was taking the information. After all, messing with someone's head is a very dangerous and very manipulative. It was hard to trust and be friends with someone like that.

[Solemn Creed]

Sol nodded calmly, staring into the flames of the fireplace as Chaos began her tirade. When she was finished shortly thereafter she apologised for snapping at him.
[glow=red,2,300]"I accept your apology but there is nothing to be forgiven. Sure your brief little tirade was totally uncalled for but given the subject, it is only to be expected."[/glow]

To Sol Chaos seemed tired, as though she had not slept in days although this was untrue. He himself was begining to feel a little exhausted. He had gone against everything he had ever stood for that night. He had told pieces of truth about himself that only the gods knew, if they were even interested enough to pay a little attention. Sol did not make it a habit of saving lives and yet he had, for no possible peresonal gain. Self sacrifice was not in Sol's vocabulary.

However, Sol was interested in Chaos' story. It wasnt often he met another non-human who wasnt extremly biased or racist against demons. The Christian bible and other such religins had truly screwed Sol's species over, in a way where even others believed demons were inherently evil.

When Chaos mentioned hysteria Sol lifted an ebon eyebrow. [glow=red,2,300]"Yeah, Ive heard of it."[/glow] was all his response. It truly wasnt much of an angelic gift, if you listened and believed sterotypes about angels. But Chaos said that her family still followed most of the old ways so Sol found her story plausable. Hysteria, from what Sol knew, was almost a sort of beseechment to one of the gods to place a small curse on an individual, striking from them one of their senses.

Knowing this about Chaos did not change Sol's opinion and he thought of telling her so but he decidded not to. [glow=red,2,300]"I dont have to worry about you using it on me, do I?"[/glow] he asked in a lighthearted manner.

"Never." Chaos said seriously. She knew that he was joking, but she didn't want him to doubt.

"So I'll give you some more background information. On....Giovanni. He was...he was a Cyclopes. He wasn't a bad one though! He was very good; he was a baby. He was very young, his maturity was about ten. He was very sweet and was kind of like a puppy." Chaos smiled at the though of Giovanni. He, even with his age, quickly towered over a fifteen year old Chaos by standing at eight feet. He was kind of small for his kind, but sweet all the same. "We quickly became friends despite our race and age gap. We spent a lot of time together. At this time though, I was also bent on staying on the archangels good side; I wanted to be noticed as doing something good. However...when they found out I was hanging out with Giovanni, a cyclops, well...things didn't work out so good. They immediately wanted to exterminate him. I fought viciously for his life. Giovanni of course remained blissfully ignorant. When the archangels cam to a decision, I think my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. They said...they said....they told me to...to-to render him useless. They asked me to use my 'gift' to take away his sanity." Chaos stopped for a minute. Her eyes squeezed shut. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

"So I did what I thought was right. I-I followed orders. I met up with Giovanni one night in an old forest a little ways away from where his people lived. He was so excited, he was starting as an apprentice in his dad's workshop. He looked-he looked so...so happy." She whispered the last word as if it physically hurt to say it. "So when he was concentrating n telling me the ins and outs of building weapons, I-I-I watched as the archangels came down and pinned him to the ground. He was surprised. he-he was looking at me. He was a-asking me to explain. And when I started focusing on his mind, he started to c-cry. He s-said he- that he wanted to go h-home. I twisted his sanity and twisted and twisted and twisted... until he was nothing more than an unstable cyclops. He wasn't Giovanni any-anymore. He started flailing and attacking everything in sight. The archangels deemed him a harm to society and they-they-they killed him." Tears were flowing in rivers down her face now. Chaos buried her face in her hands. "He just wanted to go home!" She cried out sobbing. She felt like dying.

[Solemn Creed]

Sol smiled at her serious answer. He had only meant the question as a joke. Chaos really needed to lighten up. What she did couldnt have been that bad. Or that is what Sol thought to himself before she actually told him the specifics.

Sol's features hardened for a moment as he listened to what she was telling him. She willing admitted to betraying a friend. Sol could hardly believe what he was hearing. This 19 year old girl had stripped a child of its mind, a child who was her friend and trusted her completely, and she did so because a couple archangels told her to. Then she let them kill it. It, because it was no longer a rational thinking creature, it was just a mindless animal when she was through with it.
[glow=red,2,300]"Oh. So thats how it was."[/glow]
Sol, who had never intentionally killed, or even harmed, a friend found it difficult to remain indifferent towards someone who had. If he hadnt heard the true remorse in her voice he may have left then and there.
[glow=red,2,300]"I dont know what to tell you. You did a horrible thing but you are not truly responsible."[/glow]
Sol looked firmly into her eyes.
[glow=red,2,300]"Only a madman puts someone else's life before his or her own."[/glow]

Chaos spoke in a very quiet voice. "How can you say I'm not truly responsible? I did what they told me to. I followed their every order giving up my friends life for acceptance. I killed a 10 year old, a kid, just to be seen on equal standing as my sister. I don't want to you to leave me, but tell me this. How can you not hate me as I do myself?

Chaos was really just very befuddled. Sol listened to her complain, he saved her life countless times, risked his own, and heard her darkest moment. How was he still here? She must be losing her mind and he must be a figment of her imagination. She was clearly thinking up someone who she believed would listen to all her problems. She nearly laughed at the notion. If she thought someone up, no matter how grateful for Sol she was, she never would have thought of him. She liked to be in control and dominate a friendship. She was clearly not in control at the moment. She felt very weak, but she supposed everyone's wals had to crumble at some point. Everyone needed someone to listen to them and to comfort them. Bottling things up isn't very good.

"After that, I disappeared for a while. I needed to get away from everything. I couldn't think, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was useless and wasting away. My path brought me to Paris. I love it there. I bought an apartment and stayed far away from home. Far away from the archangels. It's so busy, so noisy, you can't even think. I don't have to remember. Though, I could never forget."

[Solemn Creed]

[glow=red,2,300]"I can say that becase that is the obvious truth. I cannot ate you as you do because no matter what you do in your lifetime it will never be anywhere near the worst of what i have done." [/glow]
Sol said to her with indifference in his voice.

[glow=red,2,300]"I have done some terrible things in my time and to judge you would be to judge myself. I believe the truly remorseful deserve forgiveness."[/glow]
Sol looked at Chaos and listened as she finsihed her story. Someone had once said to Sol that the easiest thing in the world was killing. You just had to find your method. And if you couldnt, then you shouldnt.

[glow=red,2,300]"I understand that you think what you did was horrible and it was. Dont let it consume you though."[/glow]